Oh, and I'm SO into Marissa.
Dri is insane, so why waste my time.
Wish Marissa wasn't straight but hey she made the first move and she sure didn't make out with me like she was straight.
Mmm I wish I didn't leave CO so I could try and get more into that but we'll see when I return though.
The Web is getting a lot more intense now, I just need to get more of the CU girls on it then see where we go from there.

"

When I came out as a dyke, I wanted to say fuck you to lovely. Fuck trying to be feminine, when I didn't want to be. Fuck the guys I had written about for hours in my journal, trying to figure out what they wanted and what I had done wrong. Fuck the image of the perfect woman I had treasured, believing that someday I would be transformed. Chop off the sweet long hair that I hoped would help me always feel loved and worthy.

I was going to be visible. I was going to put up a sign saying, "This is a dyke - now deal!"

"

I like this girl. I didn't mean to cut my hair so short but I guess it's okay. Camryn is gonna fix it today. I wouldn't really mind looking like a dyke I guess. Just short and edgy and cute is what I want. It kinda looks rough now and semi like a 12 year old and semi like a dyke. Who knows.

Dri is fucking insane. Dating girls fucking suck. Maybe not this bad all the time, but literally I think she would fit in completely fine in an insane asylum.
SHE IS CRAZY.
We broke up forever ago and she is still around, loves me (apparently), still treats me like shit. And yeah Idk what else. She just really needs to get out of my life I think. She's making me flip a little shit I believe. I NEED TO GO HOME. I need a break from her. Preferably forever but I guess three weeks will do!! That way I can have fun, do all the shit I do in Richmond, then come back and hopefully not see her ya know?
Let's see. She brought a cat over here, and we've been taking care of it. Yet she just bought a puppy. Like what is she gonna do come Friday when she has both that she is responsible for?!
WTF.

Final at 7 a.m. I'm gonna die.

Yay

My boss or like the boss for my temporary job just called me and I have an interview tomorrow so I'm kinda stoked about that but then again I'm really nervous.

I was trying to give Tcal some space just because I thought he was fed up with me texting him and being annoying etc but he texted me first today so that's a good sign. I just wish I could explain to him how sorry I am and how much I regret what I did. Too bad he doesn't know my blog. (lolol)

I super need to kick into school mode. I didn't go to class this morning and for no reason at all...like WTF LAURA. Do something...Like I'm paying a shit ton of money to just fail pretty much. Sigh after practice tonight I need to finish my French work and just get into gear.

I'm excited for practice at least. But not too excited for conditioning. 7am conditioning would suck but then again 5pm wouldn't be too fun either. So I need to make thaaaaat decision and get on with my life.

I kinda miss Richmond. I need to finish my VCU application but now my mind's all over the place and I can't decide (once again) what I wanna do with my life. Eff.

Labor day weekend

My visit to Richmond was good but way too much drama for me and way too much shit went down in my opinion.

I'm just a skank and I can't really come to terms with myself yet. I just get bored and that's what I do when I'm bored? That sounds horrible but yeah.

I wish things worked out with Tcal or like I wish things in the future would work out with him but I'm not sure what's gonna happen.

I'm really gonna try the rest of the summer to not be a skank but I think it's a complete different story here. Here I can control myself better for some reason. I think in Virginia there are just so many people that I have sexual tension with and it's like one of those things where we've both been thinking about it for a while so we just figure it's fine.

I don't know. Too bad most people don't even know half the shit that went down this weekend.

Whatever. Hanging out with Neill tonight. He is too into me but I really wanna be his friend. So tonight is kinda my first test. Ha I suck so much. But yeah I really need to do school work but don't feel like it and I wish people out here would photobooth with me because that's all I really wanna do. Haha I love my new Macbook pro and I'm so surprised I somehow hid it from my mom. Tooooo crazy.

All in all. Labor day itself was good.

Oh saw Blink last night which was epic. Travis Barker is so hot and so talented. And he did the sickest solo hold on lemme find a video....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FB5BUIgrx88

But like it looked ten times cooler in person.

Let's see. Oh me and the roomies and Sage went to all you can eat shrimp at Red Lobster and it was great and I ate wayyyyyy too much but now I'm hungry again wtf who does that???

Adios

Being back at school is so weird.
I love my house.
I miss Samantha a lot. And Tyler and Camryn.
I miss just hanging out with them there.
I wish I could have my house and school and rugby team here but in Richmond with all of those friends.
Geez I'm so indecisive! But I get to go back home in a week from tomorrow for court but to see everyone too so I'm excited for that.
Tcal and I made a bet that we've both held strong on surprisingly.
But he's a qt and I lyke him. :)

Sigh I have a long night class tonight then one tomorrow. This semester is going to be relatively easy I think.
It needs to be though - I gotta do well.

I'm mad for the following reasons:

L*Nuck left for Norfolk without saying goodbye
My phone still won't work (but on the plus side Samthug is letting me have her V)
My new phone STILL hasn't gotten here
I can't get in contact with anyone
My boss asked me to work tonight and I'm bad at saying no
Mallory cashed my check that I wrote her like a year ago and I got an overdraft fee :(
I'm so broke
I wanna stay in Richmond half the time then I switch and I don't know
I'm just trying to date John and he's been SO cute and SO into me the past week or so
John won't date me
John won't text me first

On the real. I'm just trying to have sleepovers with John and Tcal before I leave on Monday. I'm sure one will happen but I'm not so sure about the other one. Oh and I wanna go switch my phone over but they're DUMB and won't let me do it without an account holder there so wven when I get the phone I can't really do shit about it. UGH.
I think I'm gonna wait on getting my tattoo only because I'm so poor and plus I come back in like two weeks.
Speaking of which I need to buy my ticket but thanks to Mal I have no money to do it yet.
ALSO. My lawyer STILLLLLLLLLL hasn't called me back yet and my case is like two weeks away.
I wanna work for Cameron's family and stay in RVA and go to VCU.
Make it happen.
But then I want stuff out in Colorado.
I'm so indecisive.
FUCK MY LIFE.

Worst mood ever ever ever ever ever.

I don't wanna go back to school.
But part of me does.
UGH. I've been stressing about this for a week and I still can't come to a decision. I hate my life.

Kelly won't talk to me at all. Like won't answer texts, calls, emails, anything.
John doesn't like me and now doesn't try to hang out with me because he doesn't want to lead me on.
I leave for two weeks to go back to school. :(
Casey is going to the beach on Thursday for almost a week and it stresses me out because I just wanna chill with her.
I'm getting good hours at work but I'm mad because I've lost weight so I never have anything cute to wear. Idk.
My fucking phone is broken so I activated a new one and it broke too.
I hate my life.
I don't wanna go back to Colorado.
Except I'm excited to start school and rugby again finally.
I need to kick my ass into shape these next two weeks because season starts so soon!
I wish Laura didn't move to the beach.
I with Samantha and her were still friends.
I wish Kelly would talk to me.
I wish Alli and I were still like we were last year.
I wish Casey or someone would come visit me this year. I get all lonely out there.

I wish the waffles my Mom made for breakfast didn't make me feel like shit.

Immaturity

Now Kelly deletes his Facebook and turns his phone off. Won't return phone calls(obviously) or emails. And it's just annoying. Anyway. Night.

Tomorrow = Work, lunch maybe, gym, tanning, cleaning house!, then hopefully john will come over!!!
That'd be the ultimate and so much fun. Yay.

Oh and I'm glad Saga is in town.
Anddd I kinda wanna have people over this weekend? But I'm not sure I can pull it off. I kinda hate my house and it's not the best for socialization.

Lovin Regina today

So Kelly read my twitter in which I said:
Best text sesh ever: my ex ex who i'm still in love with, my ex who's still in love with me, and my new boy. No wonder my history looks the way it does haha
No wonder I have my posts protected and didn't tell him my password. But he apparently tried and succeeded in getting on. Anyway I guess it's for the best - Kelly and I will be better at being friends compared to dating. Or at least I think so.
Plus I really needed this break with him.
And who knows if I'm gonna pursue anything with John. That's what I hate about summer - I left someone who cares about me in Colorado and now that I'm here I'm about to do the same thing. And I know it wouldn't work with John long distance just because it's bad starting off like this here and then going long distance. I mean maybe. It's fun partying with him and his friends though. And for sure we'll hang out when I come home on breaks I believe.
I hope Kelly doesn't try and get on this though. This blog is almost ten times worse than my Twitter.
Anyway I have to work til close.
BUT SAGA IS COMING TONIGHT!
And I still haven't decided if I'm gonna have a party before my rents come home or not. It could be a good idea but then when I think about all the different groups of people that would be invited it kinda sketches me out. But I'll at least get some alcohol when Saga is here haha.
Mkay. Bye.

Kelly and I are on a break. At least for now.

Look how emo my boyfriend is

Kelly Hogan cant say anything without getting made fun of = coooooooool
Kelly Hogan is lost, and can't find the path...
Kelly Hogan is drowning...

Haha makes me laugh pretty hard. I told him he should just go cut his wrists and get back to me... :) Jk that's kinda mean and I'd be the one to blame if he actually did it I guess.

Anyway - this camp job (with autistic kids) is the best job I've ever had and I would probably even do it as a volunteer job. Ah it's so great. Plus the people I work with are pretty cool. And yeah it's just great - I wanna come back next summer and do it again I think.

Woo. Kelly just said he doesn't know if I have a heart to be emotional because I'm so mean haha. I'm so bad to him I kinda need to sort stuff out ya know... :(

Sigh. Gym. Tanning. Dinner. Etc.

I can't believe Michael Jackson died
I can't believe I'm such a bitch to Kelly
I can't believe it's already July
I can't believe I don't want to go back to Colorado at all
I can't believe I told Kelly i hate "everything you this relationship"


Oops.

Kelly is almost a perfect mixture of all my boyfriends. Perfect meaning it's exact but not always perfect in the sense that he's exactly what I would hope for. I don't know if that made sense or not who cares.

So he's just super sensitive like Bill and always gets all soft on the phone. But that's kinda like Connor too like he is just all sensitive and when we're gone from each other he's all sad and picks fights with me but does it just so we resolve things. That's more of a Bill thing. And then the way he gets mad at me for getting mad at him for not talking to me like when I'm like "Hey what's up we haven't talked much today" he'll get mad saying I'm being clingy when last night he was traaashed and kept texting me clingy annoying texts and I didn't get mad at him.

I'm not sure if this is making sense. Idk.

Cheating on Connor was the single biggest mistake I've made in my life. For sure.
Seeing people has been weird. Some people have changed and I guess I have too.

I just wanna sleep. I've been exhausted since I've been home. And I don't know why.

Soooooo today I went to Elitch's with Alli, Sage, and Rossi and it was really really fun
I super miss them

Then I get back.
Kelly's in a bad mood. Whatever.
I'm annoyed. Whatever.

At least the Nuggets are playing and are doing pretty well..I mean it's the Laker's. Whatev

Ugh.
On the other hand I don't know why I'm dating someone who doesn't stand up for me or who doesn't agree with some things I say?
Like I seriously hate it when people tell me what I'm doing. (i.e. Laura you're being so weird; Oh so you're mad at me?)
FUCKING NO.
I'm not in a weird mood. I'm not mad at you. I don't get why you give a fuck.
It's my life.
And if someone tells me I'm being weird, yes, I'm going to get mad about it.
And for Kelly to just say, I don't get why someone saying you're weird makes you mad
Well get the fuck over it!! They're my feelings and it's my body.
God damnit.
Whatever though let's just hope the Nuggies pull through and that this night can either be over with or just fucking end!!


I AM SO EXCITED TO GO HOME!!

No Subject

Ugh I am so annoyed by Kelly right now.
I mean would you be semi upset if your bf texted you saying the following:
"ugh. dana won't come out to the bars and i really wanted to see her tonight"
then calls and says the following:
"hey. can you come pick us up and take us to eleanor's so we can say hi to tracy and dana and hang out for like ten minutes?"

I meannnnn.....COOL.
Whatever. And so yeah that kinda made me mad but I hate how I have no way of expressing to Kelly that so what I'm mad now but tomorrow I won't even care about this. It's kinda bs.
Oh and then I sat outside of Eleanor's for like twenty minutes while he hung out up there and didn't even think to invite me in... I think that's what made me more mad.

On the plus side...
+ got my grades today and i'm not as disappointed in myself
+ i made a delicious dinner tonight and kelly grilled mmm
+ rva in four days!

Wow. That's really close.

Go Nuggets!

It's gonna be ballin if the Lakers lose cuz of Odom's injury and then the Nuggets play the Cavs in the finals woot woot!

Countdown to RVA - 14 days!

RIP Stuart Slusher

It's weird when you find out your ex-boyfriend died.
Even weirder when he apparently committed suicide.

This is so sad.
Slushers - you guys are in my prayers.

Now if my mind could focus on school work some that'd be great - this final is due in an hour.

Rugby = shitshow

Always.
There is never a sober night.
I wish Pretty Lights didn't sell out.

Kelly's license got suspended for nine months (or that's the max I think) because of his DUI. At least he still gets to visit me this summer.
I shouldn't be doing this. I have 21 out of 1000 words for my take home final and I haven't even started my paper.

I failed one class. WOO!
I'm really great at this thing called school :) But it's fine I guess since I'm technically just wasting my own money and time? I think that makes it okay.

I have a 79.09 so far in my Spanish Comp class so hopefully our last grade will bring that up and if not I'm gonna be pissed at myself.

My French final shouldn't be hard.

Ugh my schedule for next Fall could be so bomb but it's just not working because I would have to drop one class etc. And I don't wanna be in class from 9-3 but I guess since I don't have class on Thursday it kinda just works itself out. Plus I'm excited to be taking all classes I'm interested in - two education classes, spanish culture, and another french class. Yay. I can't wait to come back to Foco already - Kelly's so depressed and I just wanna be there for him no matter what.
He saw some text I wrote to Josh and it was this rhyme that went as follows:
Colorado is beautiful, and so are you
I wish you were here so you could see too
I can't wait to see you, it shall be fun
Wish you were here, cuz i'm burning down one
Or something like that Idk I was super high and wasn't really thinking. And he just looked through my texts. Idk I don't even wanna hook up with Josh he's just a fun flirter and good friends with Bud.
Who knows - I just want Kelly to know I care really cause it's annoying when it looks like I'm just gonna go home and be a super slut.
Shwhatev.
Desperate is on and I. Must. Do. Work.

Hmmmmmmmmmmm

So last night Kelly and I got walked in on except I was in the bathroom and shit was about to go down so pretty much Emily (roommate) walked in on Kelly...so that was awkward.
And she got pissed. And now I'm scared to go home.
And we went and stayed at Kelly's. And I got way too drunk. We played caps for a while and had some great heart-to-hearts. Twas grand. Except now I feel so shitty and just want to smoke a bowl. But on the plus side I turned in a paper today. So now all I have left in my messy shitty effed up life is...:
-Take home exam consisting of three essay questions on two poems and a novel I haven't read yet
-Final paper (5 pages) on the same novel I haven't read yet
-Last test in comp
^^^oh by the way these are all in spanish....sigh. FML!
-French final (which should be the easiest of all of these endeavors)

I can't wait to see Casey. We are always off and on but I think this summer will be an on. I just miss my besties.
Also - things are semi okay with friends out here now. I'm finally hanging out with Alli alone and hopefully she has some insight as to why our friendship is on the fail list.
Whatever.
I can't wait for the Rugby BBQ (formal) ish jank on Saturday. It's gonna be bomb I just need to get a lot of work done by then so I can actually drink with them.

This summer I plan on getting really in shape and stronger so I can start next semester or at least beat out Carrie because honestly I know I'm better than her or can be. I just gotta kick into overdrive and haul ass all summer. She better not steal my friends either. It's getting annoying.

H to the ungover.

sigh

I feel like everyone is finishing up with classes and it's annoying
I still have a week left - but then again I guess that's good because I'm not doing so great again this semester. At least I'll get off academic probation though which is exciting. Then I can not worry about dumb shit any maybe get a job or two.
I just need a job for summer too - that camp isn't gonna cut it. Maaaaaaybe I'll work at Cold Stone - just the hours blow.
It's so cold and gross out today. Like forty and overcast and just not how I want it to be in May. Yay Happy May ps!
Casey texted me this morning yay I missed my biffle.
This summer's gonna be great.
I'm stoked to be away from this drama! Ah it's getting pretty rough - I don't even wanna hang out with my friends cause they don't give me the time of day and then expect me to hang out with them all awkwardly. It's just not cool.
At least we have a rugby/birthday party tonight, except we have to zulu which will be ehhh. Oh rugby haha.
At least Kelly will be there later and we can just go home. I hope he doesn't drink - DUIs fuck his life.

I love college.

Countdown til RVA: 24 days

I can't wait til summer

I hate my friends out here
I can't wait to hang out with my friends back home - I just hope I haven't changed or things haven't changed between us
I'm gonna miss Kelly - he's been more than I could ever ask in a guy
I can't wait for him to visit VA though

Also can't wait for: downtown, El Chaps, finding a job, the beach, Ukrop's, Belle Isle, my mom's cooking, and maybe a new tattoo

It sucks that VA has such bad weed, I've been spoiled.